Spaceman

As I gaze into the night sky I realize that no matter where I am we are gazing at the same sky. Connected through a constellation of thoughts and dreams, hopes and fears. You wish on the same stars I wish on and soak in the same moon beams as I. Space has connected us even if time hasn't. You are a familiar planet to me and yet upon further exploration I am discovering new things about your being. I can roam your mind and body from end to end and yet sometimes I feel as if you are an alien to me. The perfect mixture of familiar and foreign. As we escape into the galaxy together you take me into uncharted territory, places I couldn't even create in my dreams. Perfect planets, each with a different purpose and connection to you. You allow me into your worlds and show me the beauty that no one else is capable of appreciating. As we return from our excursion my eyelids grow heavy. Until tomorrow my spaceman, the worlds await us and I long to travel them with you for as long as we are able.

The Final Stages

No one cares during the final stages. No fucks are given. You don't waste your time arguing. You co-exist for the sake of convenience. Its over but you don't want to admit it. You keep holding on hoping that one day it will come back. That feeling of excitement, that feeling of fun, that feeling of new. But it never will, so you just keep quiet and draw farther and farther within yourself. The person you once found refuge with is the person you long to escape from now. But what can you do? Start over? Do you even know how to start over? What will it prove? Who will it help? Who will it hurt?

Roles

As the sleep begins to cloud my mind I start to think about so many things. What have I been put here to do? I play so many roles on a daily basis; daughter, sister, friend, teacher, student, thinker, dreamer. The list could go on. And then I think about the roles I long to play; wife, mother. Those roles that I am so desperate to play that I consider doing anything to do so. But why? Am I meant to play those roles? Is that what the universe has planned for me? I don't know, all I can do is listen to what the universe is telling me and not ignore the signs it places before me.

Sleep

Sleep eludes me as the promise of a new day fills my soul with hope. How can I sleep? When curiosity is keeping my senses sharp and awake. How can I close my eyes when I see images of everything I long to do tomorrow? I must rest, for my mind is growing tiresome, but how can it? Its so alive and every nerve ending in my brain is shouting at me to seize the day! But alas, it is only twenty after midnight, the day has barely begun. So sleep it is, sleep for this restless mind and body I possess, until day break when I arise and make the most of the day I've longed to bid good morning.

That's Ok

It doesn't matter how secure in yourself you are, how loved you are, or how confident you are sometimes you just feel lonely and that's ok. There are always going to be days when you don't feel thin enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough and that's ok. There are going to be times when you want a hug that lasts for hours and times when you don't want to be touched, and that's ok. You'll lash out and yell at the people closest to you, you'll cry, and maybe even throw things and that's ok. There will be days when you eat everything in sight and days when you don't feel like eating anything at all and that's ok. Some days will feel sunny and others will feel cloudy and that's ok. Some days you'll smile and some days you won't and that's ok. There is no right or wrong way to be depressed, and that's ok.

New Day

The new year signifies new beginnings for everyone. A fresh start, a chance to start over and do things right. But why do we need to wait a whole year to do that? Everyday is a fresh start if you begin each day with a fresh perspective. I am the first to admit that there are days when I wake up and I already have an attitude about the day and it hasn't even started yet. I need to stop that, we all do. We need to treat each day as if it is the first day of the year, a fresh start a chance to start over. My goal for this year is to try and do that every day. I know it won't be easy but its healthy, and I need a healthy mind to have a positive year. Tomorrow will be a new start for me, not because its a new year but because its a new day. I won't allow the stresses of life to batter me and turn me into a miserable person. I want to have a positive attitude and once I have that everything will fall into place. This past week has showed me that I can be alone and be ok. It has showed me that I don't always need to talk to someone at night, its ok to be alone with my thoughts and feelings. It may be scary but I will feel better in the morning if I deal with those feelings and don't bring them into the next day with me. I want to be so positive everyday that no one in my presence can feel sad or lonely. All I want is to be happy.

The Sky

The sky looks so beautiful from down here. So quiet and blue. Snowflakes kiss my nose as the life slips from my body. I feel cold and alone. The sun is shining, its a beautiful day to be alive or to die. There really is no difference. I see flashes of everything I've done and everything I've yet to do. I see the people I've loved and the people I've yet to love. They dance around in my mind to a melody of their own creation. I'm so cold. My future looks warm and inviting at first, but soon it becomes too warm, blazing. I don't think I can overcome the flames. So now I have a choice; stay present and cold or step into the flames of the future and see if I can endure them without becoming engulfed.